


Frank Senpai

by AngelGoneInsane



Category: Original Work, Political RPF
Genre: Bombs, Child Neglect, College, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Don't Examine This Too Closely, Evil, F/M, False Identity, How Do I Tag, Identity Reveal, Mentor/Protégé, Minor Character Death, Non-Graphic Violence, Noodle Bombs, Noodle Incidents, Noodles, Oh My God, PASTA wEAPONS, Pasta, Politi, Politics, Revenge, Tacos, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Weapons, What Have I Done, Why Did I Write This?, World Domination, did i mention crack, macaroni, so much crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 11:18:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7842868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelGoneInsane/pseuds/AngelGoneInsane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Follow Frank Senpai, Macaroni Master, as he battles through life, love, and Pasta, in his ongoing battle with Issac Landrum, one of the most difficult people he's faced yet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Early Years

**Author's Note:**

> So this was something I wrote up with my friends for a laugh, and therefore some jokes may not make sense. We talked about uploading this as fanfiction, and so here we are.

  
When Frank was only 4, he was playing with legos, when his life changed.

“Ding Dong!” The doorbell rang. 

Frank stood up and waddled to the door. He stood up on his tiptoes and looked through the hole in his apartment door. It was his mother. 

“You forgot to keep the door unlocked Frank.” 

Frank opened the door, welcoming his mother holding grocery bags. 

“Can I help you with that?” Frank asked kindly. 

“Here.” She handed Frank a bag. On his way to the kitchen, Frank tripped and fell, spilling the groceries everywhere. In the mess of the groceries lay the most magnificent item in all of Frank's life: a box of macaroni. In that instant, everything changed for Frank, and macaroni became the sole focus of his life.

1 YEAR LATER

“Mother!” a five year old Frank ran up to his mother, “ I know all of the shapes of macaroni! Sedanini Rigate, Tagliatelle, Farfalle, Penne Rigate , …” After ten minutes, Frank's father walked in. 

"Father! Want to hear all of the types of maca-" 

"NO!" Frank's father interrupted him, 

"If you continue this horrid obsession, I WILL disown you." Frank was quite terrified. After this moment, he never talked about macaroni around his father ever again.

5 YEARS LATER

By now, even Frank's mother hated his obsession. She wouldn't go out in public with him, wouldn't bring him to school, or do anything to raise him. 

"Mother, come try my macaroni!” Frank shouted to his mother in the other room. 

"No." she responded. "Please?" "Fine." Frank's mother stood up and went to the kitchen to taste Frank's macaroni for the umpteenth time. 

"Disgusting,” She told Frank to lessen his spirits.  
“No!” Frank was horrified, “But I invited our entire family to taste the macaroni!” Frank's mother stood up quickly. 

“GO TO YOUR ROOM!” she shouted at the top of her lungs. As Frank was entering the hallway, his Mother stopped him. “Wait.” Frank turned around cheerfully, but all he got was a paper bag thrown in his direction. 

“Wear this always,” Frank’s mother continued, “If I see you with it off, even in the house, you will be disowned the way your father said he would.” Frank was hurt but knew not to argue. He left his mom and donned the paper bag. He never took it off until…

8 YEARS LATER

Frank walked down to the mailbox like the obedient boy he was. He opened it up and grabbed the handful of letters inside. He walked up to the house, but stopped as he read the third letter’s address: Frank Senpai. He then read the from stamp President Obama. Frank was shocked. A) No one sends Frank letters and B) Especially not the president. Frank ripped open the letter ravenously.

“Oh, Senpai, with your head so bright, won't you guard my country tonight?”

Frank knew that Obama was going to be speaking tonight in a building near his house, so Frank ripped off his 8 year old paper bag, dropped the mail, and ran as fast as he could to the building that the president would be at that evening. He made it to the building 10 minutes after the start. He ran inside and was caught by security guards. 

“Frank Senpai?” one said. “Yes?” Frank responded. “Follow me.” a guard took him away. Frank and the guard entered onto the stage through the side door. 

The entire crowd cheered, “Senpai the macaroni lover, you’ll go down in history!” So Frank Senpai joined the airforce for 2 years before he retired to make macaroni.

 

2 YEARS LATER

Frank’s macaroni-making skills brought him to Japan in the macaroni-making Olympics which were in 2020. There he met a young child named Isaac Landrum. Frank’s macaroni-making skills impressed the young boy. His knowledge of the Japanese language allowed him to be known as Senpai. Frank quickly won the macaroni-making Olympics. With the prize money, he flew back to America where he was known as the International Senpai. Due to him being famous, the girls were all over him. One especially pretty girl was named Hunter Gisha. She was blonde and stupid. 

She said “I like potato but I like Senpai more.” 

After dating for 10 years Frank Senpai married Hunter. They had two macaroni making offspring. He soon lost all his money in an investment in Kraft macaroni. He then had to take up a job in McKinley as an 8th grade science teacher. However Hunter, Frank Senpai, and their two kids, Vladimir and Putin, invested in the stock market and lived happily ever after.


	2. Issac and Putin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life changes for our happy, beloved, Senpai family

2 YEARS LATER

Frank’s macaroni-making skills brought him to Japan in the macaroni-making Olympics which were in 2020. There he met a young child named Isaac Landrum. Frank’s macaroni-making skills impressed the young boy. His knowledge of the Japanese language allowed him to be known as Senpai. Frank quickly won the macaroni-making Olympics. With the prize money, he flew back to America where he was known as the International Senpai. Due to him being famous, the girls were all over him. One especially pretty girl was named Hunter Gisha. She was blonde and stupid. 

She said “I like potato but I like Senpai more.” 

After dating for 10 years Frank Senpai married Hunter. They had two macaroni making offspring. He soon lost all his money in an investment in Kraft macaroni. He then had to take up a job in McKinley as an 8th grade science teacher. However Hunter, Frank Senpai, and their two kids, Vladimir and Putin, invested in the stock market and lived happily ever after. 

Part 2 - Isaac and Putin

Vladimir and Putin got older and soon enough, they were in middle school. They met two other kids named Joseph and Stalin. Joseph and Stalin had a strange unconditional love for Vladimir and Putin. 

“I have an inexplicable urge to throw potatoes at them,” Joseph and Stalin stated. So one day, Stalin decided to throw potatoes at the two other boys. 

“NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” Vladimir angrily questioned. 

“I’m throwing potatoes at you,” Stalin blatantly replied. 

“POTATOES ARE OUR ONLY WEAKNESS!” Putin screamed. 

“I’m sorry,” Joseph and Stalin said as they continued to throw potatoes. 

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY SONS?” Frank Senpai asked as he rescued his Vladimir and Putin.

AFTER A LONG FIGHT

After Frank strangled Joseph and Stalin he was immediately sentenced to the dreaded G225. He waltzed the walk of shame. A walk so shameful it brought him back to the time he lost a macaroni making contest when he was 14. As he entered the stale atmosphere of G225, he heard a grunt as he turned to see the stepdad of a man, Mr. Apple. As Mr. Apple looked up, he gasped. He realized it was Frank Senpai, his favorite macaroni maker. He favored macaroni when he wasn’t eating children. Mr. Apple kept tapes of when Frank made macaroni professionally. 

He grunted, “Master Frank, you are forgiven for your horseplay. And I will even take Joseph and Stalin’s technology away for three days.”

Frank spun around and left without saying a word. Frank then proceeded to frolic back to his classroom. Once he entered the classroom, he spotted a young frail boy who sat at a desk in the far back. 

Frank said loudly in his majestic voice, “It is thee, Isaac Landrum. what do you ask of thy”. 

Isaac Landrum looked up, a look of pure wonder on his face. “I want you to train me”. Frank returned to his desk, sat down, and after many moments of silence sighed. 

Isaac Landrum said “What is wrong, Senpai?” 

Frank turned and said in a solemn voice, “Don’t call me Senpai, for I have given up on my macaroni making ways.” Isaac Landrum’s eyes widened and in an exasperated attempt to get him to open up spoke loudly, 

“¿PORQUE?” Frank studied the picture of his two children on his desk, picked it up, and after exactly 3.15 seconds placed it back down. He turned to Isaac and told him about his woes with his children not wanting to follow in his footsteps in becoming a macaroni maker. Isaac Landrum said to Frank that he was sorry for his sadness. As Isaac went home that day after school in his Honda Civic, he developed a plan. He would kill Frank's son. Later that day he made noodles as he often did. However, this was a special noodle. It was a long sharp noodle in the shape of a sword. After many hours of making this deadly noodle, Isaac Landrum went to Frank's house. 

Once he got there he climbed in through Putin’s window and thrust the noodle sword through his chest. There was no sound. After Putin was dead Isaac Landrum proceeded to remove the body by throwing it out the window. He then got under the blankets and when he woke up he cut his hair to look like Putin’s. That morning when Isaac Landrum, pretending to be Putin, he went to eat his normal breakfast of 17 raw acorns, Frank went to say hi to Putin. After saying hi, Frank thought something was askew. However he didn’t mention it. 

That afternoon when Isaac Landrum got home he asked “Father could you teach me the macaroni ways?”

Frank gasped, “What did you say?” he questioned. 

“I wish to learn the macaroni way!” Isaac Landrum restated. 

“Then I shall teach you!” Frank cried out. For the next five years Frank proceeded to teach Isaac Landrum the way of the macaroni.


	3. The Reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Issac reveals to Frank Senpai that he is not his son! What will Senpai do now?

The day came, it was time for Isaac Landrum to graduate high school. As Isaac Landrum came up to the podium to make a speech about how perfect his noodles are, he said, “Dear fellow peers and parents, I am here today because I make the best macaroni. I couldn’t make this perfect macaroni if it wasn’t for my mentor, Frank Senpai. However, I have been holding something back from Frank.” 

As Isaac said as his lungs filled with air he prepared to yell the truth to Frank and the whole world “I AM NOT PUTIN!!! I am Isaac Landrum! I killed Putin five years ago and have been pretending to be him so you could teach me your ways.” 

As Isaac Landrum was on stage, Frank looked down to the ground mournfully. His son had been killed, and he didn't even know. Frank took out his wallet and opened it up, he pulled out a picture of Putin. Frank started to cry. Frank pulled out the closest thing to a weapon, a pair of scissors, and dashed up the stage to attack Isaac. 

“YOU KILLED MY SON!” he yelled as he pinned him to the ground, scissors at his throat. As Frank prepared to kill Isaac Landrum, a strange calm came over him. In a quiet voice he said “I am not you. I do not kill”. Frank got up and ran outside.


	4. College Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Issac goes to college!!

Part 4 - College Life

Isaac Landrum, frightened from this experience, got up and slowly walked backstage with a malevolent smile on his face. He was not sorry, for he knew he was about to go to college. But this wasn’t any college; he was to go to the most prestigious culinary college known to man: La Cordon Bleu. He exited the back door to his escape vehicle: The Le Cordon Bleu college campus bus. 

That night Isaac Landrum made the long trip of .21 miles to his college. While on the bus he felt a faint thump as if a man threw himself into the bus. That night, he walked to his dorm and slept. When he woke up he started his first class “Noodle Making”. Of course he excelled greatly in this class. Isaac Landrum’s roommate was named Kim, Kim Jong Un. Isaac Landrum did not like Kim at the start but over time as both Isaac Landrum and Kim took noodle making classes together they formed a bond. They both had great respect for noodle making and both aimed to have a P.H.D. in professional noodle making. Isaac Landrum told Kim his name was Isaac Landrum but lied to him about his past. Isaac Landrum told Kim that he was adopted into an Indian family who taught him to greatly appreciate curry and alpacas. Kim thought this wasn’t strange at all since where he came from he was religiously in love with goats. 

One night Isaac Landrum and Kim were sitting on a cliff overlooking the great landscape of Mckinney eating the noodles they made in the class before they ended their day. As Isaac Landrum sat there, he gazed into Kim Jong Un’s face he thought that since Kim was such a good friend he deserved the truth. Isaac Landrum told Kim of the things he had done. He told Kim not to tell anyone, and when Kim looked into Issac Landrum’s pleading orbs he could not resist and agreed, after all, they were best friends forever. But one day it was said that Kim told his mother: Anne Frank about who Isaac Landrum really was. The next day Kim mysteriously went missing. 

This would mark the beginning of Isaac Landrum’s evil life. Isaac Landrum made it through all his class with the highest grades possible. He had a fettuccine noodle in every class and graduated at the top of his college. The night of graduation he stepped up to the podium. This sparked a strong feeling in Isaac Landrum. A feeling that brought him back to his high-school graduation where he also got the highest in his class. That was when he had last seen Frank Senpai, but he knew Frank wouldn't dare show up this time. As he went through his speech he talked about how noodle creation is a vital part in everyone's life. He then went on further to say that Ben Carson is the only good candidate. After the speech he exited the back door to the stage. Much like he did 4 years ago, he then got into his personal taco truck and left.


	5. Frank Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Senpai Be Isolated

Part 5 - Frank Alone

Again Frank looked at the picture of Putin. A great surge of anger swelled over him, and without thought, Frank ripped up the picture into shreds. Frank suddenly felt very sad and started to sob. To avoid embarrassment, Frank ran as fast as he could to his home. Frank got inside his house and closed the door. He slowly fell onto the ground and sobbed for hours.   
Vladimir, who was stupid and didn't go to college, came home and tried to open the door. It didn't budge so he rang the doorbell. On the other side of the door, Frank straightened himself out and opened the door for his alive son. Vladimir was good at telling emotions, and could easily figure out that something was wrong. 

“What's wrong? Was Putin not accepted?” At the word Putin, Frank started to sob. 

“Putin is dead. Isaac Landrum killed him 5 years ago and took his place.” Vladimir, who was surprisingly calm, comforted Frank.   
“I'm so sorry father, I didn't know.” Vladimir started to weep as well. 5 days later, Vladimir couldn't handle the death of his twin, so he jumped in front of a moving bus. When Frank heard the news, He sobbed even harder than he already had. When Hunter heard the news, being stupid, she asked Frank when Putin was coming home. 

Frank's response: “I’m sorry, but every time I look at you, I see my two sons. I am sorry, but I must leave.” So Frank grabbed his things and left Hunter. That would be the last thing Frank would ever say to Hunter. 

The last thing Hunter would say to Frank was “But your head glistens with the light of a thousand suns!” but Frank did not turn around. Frank just left. 

Frank moved into a nice apartment in Massachusetts. He deposited his items in his new apartment, and went to the place he had been going to every night since he moved in, the bar. Frank would stay there for hours, drinking his sorrows away. But one night, as he was about to leave for the bar, there was a knock on his door. A young man stood there. He looked familiar, but Frank couldn’t put a name on him. 

“Do you still make macaroni?” the man asked him. “Yes.” Frank hurried the man inside. Frank started making macaroni for the man. Frank was suddenly able to pin a name on him: Joseph, brother of Stalin. 

“So, how is your brother?” Frank asked Joseph. 

“Dead. Cancer.” Joseph looked down sadly. “How are Vladimir and Putin?” 

“Dead as well. Putin was killed by Isaac 5 years ago, and Vladimir committed suicide.” Frank looked down as well. 

“I'm sorry.” Both said in unison. They both started eating their delicious macaroni. 

“This is better than when I last had it.” Joseph said through a chewing mouth. Frank smiled. So did Joseph. 

“That's the first time I've smiled in 6 months!” Frank laughed. “You know, I need to get out more.” 

Joseph then said, “Lunch, tomorrow? Followed by a movie?” 

“Sure!” Frank answered. 

And thus began Frank's new life. Two broken men, finding a new trust for each other. But when Isaac Landrum got out of college, Frank completely ignored Joseph, and went to the graduation, and with him, he brought his handgun. He would not fail this time.


	6. Tracking Issac Landrum

“Where is Isaac Landrum?” Frank asked when everyone was done with the ceremony and at the dinner 

“He left, I would have followed him, seeing as I am his best friend, but I lost him and wasn't able to. Sorry.” A young man stood up to say. 

“Do you know anywhere he might be?” Frank questioned. 

“He said he had someone he needed to meet.” The young man said. 

“What is your name?” Frank questioned further. 

“Harry Truman.” The man replied. 

“Well then, thank you, Harry Truman.” Frank thanked him and left. 

Harry turned to the person next to him and said, “I don't even know who Isaac Landrum is.” 

The two of them laughed at Frank's misfortune. As Frank left the ceremony he saw a taco truck driver away. However his keen sense of smell told him noodles were in that truck. He got on his personal riding antelope and galloped the towards it. While the taco truck went only 31.75 MPH an antelope reaches a top speed of OVER 9000! Frank caught up quickly and jumped aboard the truck. Once inside Frank heard a rustle from up front in the driver's seat. He crawled up and saw of all people, Issac Landrum. 

“How dare you come here with noodles?” he shrieked. Isaac Landrum, realizing it was Frank, had to swerve to avoid hitting a unicorn bunny. 

“How- What are you doing here?” questions Isaac Landrum. 

“I'm here to do my job” said Frank as he pulled out his fully loaded pistol and thrust it upon Isaac Landrum’s forehead. 

“Well I’ve got a job to do as well” and with that Isaac Landrum pulled out the same noodle sword he used to kill Putin and said, 

“You shall perish at the hand of I, Isaac Landrum, wielding my noodle sword. The same sword I used to kill your son.” Isaac Landrum swung his sword down. The bald-headed man subterfuged but was still cut in the elbow. As Frank's elbow started to bleed profusely, he realized he needed to escape. Frank opened the latch to the door, dropped his gun in the truck, and rolled out of the speedy taco truck at 31.7291 mph. As Frank lay there on the side of the road, he watched as the truck drove on. Frank felt so much pain, but didn’t want to give up. Therefore, under the agonizing, throbbing heat of pain, he extracted his phone and dialed 911.

When the ambulance arrived, Frank was barely breathing. 

“SIR, ARE YOU OKAY?” The police officer asked. Unfortunately, Frank was barely able to respond. Frank's eyes were not jovial and full of life as they used to be. 

“J-just get the boy. Isaac Landrum.” Frank Senpai said as he lost consciousness.


	7. Issac's Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noodlely Death.

As Isaac Landrum sped away, he almost felt bad for Frank but he knew he had a mission to accomplish. He was going to become the most powerful macaroni maker in the land and once and for all defeat Frank senpai. That night, Isaac Landrum stayed in the Quality Inn and when he tried to go to bed that night all he could think about was world domination. So that night, Isaac Landrum stayed up making the most powerful weapon in the world: THE ATOMIC NOODLE BOMB! 

The next day Isaac Landrum slept for 14.987234 hours out of pure tiredness that came from shaping his magnificent creation. Later that day, he inserted the bomb into a B-39 bomber and then plopped his butt onto the seat. He set out for Hiroshima, Japan, and make it go BOOM. As he flew into Japan a German priest named Father Kleinsorge got into his underwear to read his book on the way of the koi fish. He dropped the bomb at exactly 8:08 a.m. that day and the destruction decimated Hiroshima. The explosion of noodle covered all of Hiroshima in a classy blanket of freshly cooked noodles. The people of Hiroshima began experiencing noodilation sickness. Isaac Landrum would be known from this point on as a monster, albeit a monster who made fabulous pasta.

He decided that he was to make a noodle company. He would name it I.L. Macaroni and Co. Isaac Landrum scored a deal with Trader Joe’s to put his macaroni in their stores. Isaac Landrum made over 100 boxes of macaroni for his opening sale at Trader Joe’s. To get the people addicted to his macaroni, he spiked the product with 100 kilograms of Columbian nose candy. People soon were rushing in to Trader Joe’s to get I.L. Macaroni and Co. macaroni. Isaac Landrum became rich with his macaroni and was soon a national superpower. With his wealth Isaac Landrum made many atomic noodle bombs and bombed every country in the world. 

Frank heard this over the most informative news channel in the world: Fox 37.8 News. He heard of the destruction caused by Isaac Landrum after seeing that Isaac Landrum bombed his home country with an atomic noodle bomb, Frank decided in one, fiery, passionate, hate-filled instant that he was to obliterate Isaac Landrum. Isaac Landrum had gone too far; he had bombed Zimbabwe. Frank Senpai saw his fellow Zimbabweans suffering from the horrors of noodilation sickness and knew Isaac Landrum had to be terminated before he ended the world. 

Frank quickly set out for noodle making supplies. He once again hopped on his personal riding antelope and got to his local Trader Joe’s while going at the comfortable speed of OVER 9000! Once inside Frank went to the noodle aisle only to see the most horrific thing he had ever seen. All of the macaroni was produced by IL Macaroni and Co. Frank was furious. He ran along the aisle, knocking down all of the macaroni, each box falling with a satisfying THUMP combined with a bit of CRUNCH. Somewhere in his rage, he felt a feeling he had never never never felt before, no, no, he had that feeling, yeah. He needed a mentor. And perhaps more. Perhaps he needed some KNOWLEDGE. He got on his antelope and went to the hollywood hills. They he met the ultimate mentor… Tai Lopez. He went up to the door and pressed the doorbell. 

Instead of the familiar “Ding Dong!” that Frank was used to when he rung other doorbells, it let out a loud “Cha-Ching!”. 

Tai Lopez opened the door and said “Welcome to my doorstep, Frank Senpai”. Frank was amazed that Tai Lopez knew his name. 

But after all, as the billionaire Warren Buffett says “The more you learn the more you earn.” Tai invited Frank into his garage. 

He asked Frank “What is it that you are seeking…perhaps…a mentor?” Frank nodded silently. 

Tai Lopez looked at his 20 new bookshelves he had to get installed to hold the 200 new books he just bought. Without looking, he grabbed a book from the bookshelves and handed it to Frank. Frank looked down at the book. The title read: “The Traditional Guide to Making Macaroni”. The book looked old so Frank looked at the date it was written. To his astonishment, it was written in small fine letters: 9071 B.C. Tai Lopez then proceeded to open his garage door and got in his new yellow Lamborghini in which he sped off. Frank was left with only the book and his faith. Frank went to the local Chevron gas station and sat down to read the book. The book brought Frank back to the days of when he first started making macaroni and he felt as if he was being trained again. But this time he was stronger. He would win.


	8. The Battle of the Ages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BATTTTLLLLLLEEEEE

Isaac Landrum sat in his mansion alone on his throne made of noodles pondering the meaning of life. Isaac Landrum suddenly caught a whiff of the strong scent of potatoes mixed with vodka. Isaac Landrum knew who it was, it was those imbecile Russian Communists. Isaac Landrum had bombed Russia a few days earlier and the Russians were pleading for mercy. 

“We no longer have potato” the man pleaded in a thick Russian accent. 

“I’m afraid there is nothing I can do for you” said Isaac Landrum with a dismissive hand gesture. The Russian walked away slumped over in sadness. Isaac Landrum decided to get up and participate in his favorite hobby: noodle making. Isaac Landrum went to his noodle forge (kitchen) and began the ancient art of making noodles.  
Directions:  
Combine egg, salt, milk. Add flour. (For thicker noodles add baking powder to flour before mixing.) Separate into two balls.  
Roll out dough, and let stand for 20 minutes.  
Cut into strips and spread to dry--dust with a little flour. Let dry for approximately 2 hours.  
Drop into hot soup--cook for about 10 minutes.

After using this ancient recipe that is not at all from allrecipes.com, Isaac Landrum had constructed a master piece. The noodle he forged was 5.76231 feet long and was razor sharp to the tip. The sword was made of only the finest quenched pasta. This sword was sure to pierce even the toughest of armor. Just as Isaac Landrum finished the sword, he heard a commotion in the room afar from him. Isaac Landrum clutched his sword as he cautiously walked to the room. Once there he cracked the door open and peeked in. Isaac Landrum let out a *GASP*. It was Frank Senpai. Frank, hearing the gasp, turned to the door. Isaac Landrum shut the door instantly and leaned back against the wall. Frank cautiously walked to the doorway and slowly opened the door which let out a faint squeak as it opened. When Frank pushed the door all the way open Isaac Landrum was concealed from Frank's gaze as he was between the door and the wall. Frank walked slowly sticking to the wall as he went down the main corridor. Isaac Landrum still holding his sword, saw an opportunity. Isaac Landrum snuck behind Frank slipping down the corridor. Isaac Landrum lifted his sword up preparing to strike down on his enemy. 

“Stop.” Came the nearly inaudible voice of Frank. Isaac Landrum stopped in his tracks, still holding his sword above his head. Frank rotated around on one foot like a ballerina. Isaac Landrum lowered his sword but was still ready to strike. Frank, in a quick motion, grabbed Isaac Landrum by the neck holding him in the air. 

Isaac Landrum gasped “Let me… down…please.” 

Frank took a moment to glare at him directly in the eyes. 

“No.” 

Isaac Landrum lifted his sword once more and attempted to slash it upon Frank’s hand. However, Frank dropped him to the floor preventing him from cutting him. Isaac Landrum got up quickly with his sword at the ready. 

Frank produced a small noodle dagger from his back pocket along with a substantial amount of lint. Frank held his dagger steadily. Frank pounced upon Isaac Landrum slashing as he fell upon him. Isaac Landrum got a small cut on his left hand pinky. Isaac Landrum grabbed the sword from his side with much effort as he couldn’t move easily with Frank laying on him. 

Isaac Landrum moved the sword aiming for Frank. The sword gained bit-by-bit of velocity on its path destined to collide with Frank’s left side. It made contact with his clothing and tore right through. However, the instant it touched his skin the sword bounced back, reverberating into Isaac Landrum’s arm as if it had hit pure steel. 

Frank, in Isaac Landrum’s confusion, got up off of him and slashed his dagger through his left arm. Isaac Landrum’s left arm fell to the floor with a plunk. Isaac Landrum still stood despite the clean separation of his arm from his body. Isaac Landrum slashed with his sword in his right hand and hit Frank on the most recognizable part of his body, his beautiful, glistening, head. Once again the sword bounced off making a “Ding”. Frank prepared to strike once more but Isaac Landrum’s arm had grown back. 

Frank observed as Isaac Landrum jumped into the air to an almost impossible height. Isaac Landrum stayed in the air however and floated in place. Frank too leaped to an impossible height in the air and floated. Isaac Landrum floated away from Frank and then quickly rushed toward him, leaning forward with his sword at the ready. Frank quickly dodged to the right as if it were a bull dodging round. Isaac Landrum rushed past him. Frank spun around from the force of Isaac Landrum. Suddenly a blaring, siren-like noise whistled through the air. A strange noise it was, like an ice-cream truck matched with an mariachi band. The truck came around the corner and stopped at the location Frank and Isaac Landrum were fighting. The serving windows opened slowly. 

“Ya’ll want some tacos?” came the voice of Frank’s ex-wifey the Hunter Gisha. 

Frank gasped, “H-hunter, I-is that really you?” questioned Frank, not believing his eyes. 

“After you left, I had to get a job so I made a taco truck. Here, have a taco” said Hunter as she hurled a taco in Frank’s direction. Frank grabbed the spicy taco, and sunk his teeth into the crunchy, delicious Mexican beauty. 

Isaac Landrum could feel it in his chest as he screamed, “NOT THE TACO!”, but it was too late. Frank Senpai suddenly changed into a smashing white tuxedo with a strange hat similar to what a plumber might wear. Frank found himself able to shoot fireballs out of his hands. Knowing it would not last long, Frank began hurling blazing, red hot fire at Isaac Landrum, but his healing factor was too fast. As soon as Frank Senpai burned him, he reformed, leaving not even a scratch behind. Isaac Landrum then stole a taco and ate it. After eating the taco Isaac Landrum suddenly become a large turtle-like creature with red hair.

“Bowser!” He roared.

Isaac Landrum spat blazing hot fire out of his cloaca and melted a car that was next to him. 

“Mi carro” came the voice of a older man. Hefe Cuellar came to the scene and cried out in anguish “Porqueeeeeeeeeeeee!”. He then pulled out his pouch of Columbian Nose Candy and threw it at Isaac Landrum.  
Frank used the distraction to his advantage. Frank ran inside and went to the kitchen. He boiled up a pot of noodles and fashioned them into a cannon. Frank loaded it with some more Columbian nose candy and rolled it outside. There he came across Isaac Landrum, now normal, and Hefe Cuellar. Frank nodded in Isaac Landrum’s direction, and with the help of Hefe Cuellar, he pushed Isaac into the noodle cannon.  
Quoting skyrim, Frank lit the fuse. “NOODLE DA!” Isaac Landrum rocketed into the upper atmosphere as Hefe Cuellar hummed Dragonborn™.


	9. Aftermath

When Isaac Landrum awoke, he was alone. So, so alone, and floating. While Isaac had retained the the ability to breathe in space, he no longer had any of the abilities he had gained during the battle with Frank. He was stuck in the harsh, unforgiving vacuum of space with nothing but the clothes on his back and a taco. 

“At least I have this taco,” Landrum said as he hungrily moved it towards his mouth. 

Suddenly, a strange alien named Jon with a bad haircut and a Rubix cube floated away with his beautiful taco. 

Isaac Landrum now had nothing but a T shirt and black space pants. 

He had lost his favorite shoes as well. His macaroni shoes. Those were the most beautiful pair of shoes he had ever seen. Thanks to Frank Senpai, they were gone. 

“CURSE YOU, FRANK SENPAI!!!!!!” Isaac screamed into the empty, endless void called space. He knew Frank loved space, and now he would die in Senpai’s favorite place. 

Isaac could feel the hatred bubbling in his heart. He knew this was his end. 

Suddenly, he saw a holographic image of Frank Senpai. Senpai’s emotionless orbs stared into Isaac’s crying ones. 

“Isaac Landrum you have defied the laws of the universe. You must pay the ultimate price,” Frank explained. 

“What would that be?” Isaac questioned. 

“Your noodle making license,” Senpai replied. 

Isaac screamed, “NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT!” 

“I’m sorry but this is what I have to do.” Frank sternly stated. 

“I will challenge you!” Isaac shouted at Frank.

“YOU DARE TO CHALLENGE THE GOD OF NOODLES?!” Frank shouted.

“Wait, I thought you were an eighth grade science teacher.” Isaac said mostly to himself.

“I have lived longer than you can imagine. In my life I have done many things. Science teacher and Noodle God are just a few of them.”

“I may have lost to you once,” Isaac paused for effect, “but I will not lose again!”

“You Fool!” Frank's trembling roar would have terrified any normal mortal, but not Isaac Landrum. “It has been many years since I fought you. I am stronger than you will ever be.”

Somehow, Isaac Landrum defeated Frank Senpai and became the new God of Noodles.

“ISAAC LANDRUM, YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR,” Frank screamed in his majestic voice, rapidly regaining power and energy, preparing to fight Isaac again and crush him. 

“It is too late, Frank. You have taught me the way of the noodle and now I have beaten you. You are no longer the greatest noodle maker in the universe. IT IS I!” Isaac maniacally exclaimed, laughing maniacally.

**Author's Note:**

> Welp. Here you go. That was.... Anyway, if you liked it please give it a kudos and maybe I can assure that this will never happen again.


End file.
